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| i am not entirely sure that anybody reads this anymore. and who would? i havent posted in a year. so this is more of a release than a cry of anguish.
sometimes you leave and you come back. i know i will see you go, but i will see you return. this time you left for good. i didnt see you before you left and for some reason i never thought about it until you left me. i never thought of us as close, but for tonight i see you as more than a distant friend that just drops in from time to time. i see you as my negligence. where was i when you were lying there. where were my prayers when you were in pain? i know you are no longer needing my prayers or my presence, but perhaps if i had put in some type of effort to let you know that i did appreciate those few times we were with eachother my pain would be eased. how do you have such an effect on my life when i was never that close to you? maybe it is through the pain i see in others faces. knowing that you had an impact that was powerful in the lives of the ones i love the most. i confess that their influence on me may have been partially because of yours on them. will i recognize you when i see you next? will you be that sweet face that gave me cookies, a hug, and a smile, or will you be a spirit that is overjoyed even more so than i remember you here. bubbling with excitement i see you recieving me with that grandmotherly hug, warm smile, and contagious laughter. i know that you are more joyful know than ever, so dont let my pain, our pain, distract you. enjoy what you have rightfully encountered. skip the streets, sing the songs, and let your light shine in an eternity where there is nothing but shining. be a sun among stars. i know you will be looking down on us. you will be petitioning for us. you will be loving and guiding us. perhaps you will be that guardian to my children that you were for me, yet of a more powerful and less visual presence. i loved you ms billie jo. and i still do. take care and tell God i love him and that i am sorry for not loving you and showing his love more than i have or do.
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| every day starts good why dont you make it great? thats my new philosophy in life. i love to smile and i think that if everybody did it all the time we wouldnt have any troubles. so smile today and let the world know you love them | | |
| well, school has started and life is once again exciting. volleyball and work dominate my life. i am once again single, but not looking for anybody. i just want to be with friends and have fun being a bachelor (which last friday night consisted of me staying in my dorm room playing ncaa and wishing i had a girl to go out with). | | |
| i leave for free travel in four days. my time in italy is done and it is probably one of the saddest things that has ever happened to me. i will probably cry when i leave this place. it has really become like a second home to me. our tests our this week so keep that in your prayers. i leave monday to go to prague, warsaw, auschwitz, stutgart, brussels, amsterdam, paris, marsielle, barcelona, and a town in the southern tip of spain. then i go to london and hopefully ireland/scotland, if i can find somebody to go with. anywho that is my plan, i will be back in the states april 25. i expect a cookout already planned. i gotta run. i love you guys. | | |
| southern italy, amazing, beutiful, sorry but it blows the crap out of vero | | |
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